Oh shit, what did I just say!?

Children shouldn't be allowed to talk to me or ask me simple questions until they are well over 18.

I have somehow assured Jaz's son that there is no God and I have no idea how his mother would take that.

I told his other daughter that all man are bags of sperm and I have no idea how she looks at Jaz now after I've told her that. Well, in my defence, she was crying about boys and I was trying to hug her and shut her up so that whole 'Men are fucktards' speech was totally called for. And I also said, if it makes her feel better, I am stuck with the caveman that is her Dad. By choice.

The last time his youngest, who is now 12, asked me a question, my reply made me seriously question if I should be around them at all.

She sat next to me and asked me if I wanted her to read to me her diary entry. I was watching the telly and said, 'Well, your diary should be for your eyes only, shouldn't it?' and to that she said, 'No... I read them out all the time.' and then I said this...

'Well, that tantamounts to 'Exhibitionism', Georgia.' 


Cue for me to look over my shoulder, with my eyes bugged out as I stared at the wall and hissed, 'What the fuck?!'

DON'T TALK TO ME WHEN I AM WATCHING QI.

Because when I am watching QI, I have my Uppity, poncy mode on.

For fuck's sake, Ella, what is fucking wrong with you?

I am still praying she is not sitting at that dinner table, poking her food around like she always does and ask, 'Mom, what IS exhibitionism?'

Thank fuck she asked me 'Tantamount? Oooooh, what is that?' and realized that at that point of time that word in that entire sentence sparkled brighter in that mind of hers.