Convenience-Store Relationships.

Declarations of being in "An Open Relationship" scares me. Basically, when someone tells me that, or these days when FB tells me that So And Sos are in an open relationship since I can't be bothered to hold real conversations any more, I immediately imagine these people's nether regions as Convenience Stores. Does that make any sense? My visualization, I mean. One person owns the store but any Tom, Dick or Harry can come in and grab things from the shelves.

I've always seen relationships as more of a museum. See, but no touch. Marvel at the beauty that is on display but don't you dare lick or fondle King Tut's sarcophagus.

Maybe it was the way I was raised or the society I've been brought up in, but I just can't fathom the idea or another woman touching my man's Secret Bits with my permission. If Jaz can allow another person to touch my Bits, I see it as no different to prostitution, except for maybe the lack of payment. Or swinging. Jealous, much, Ella? It's not even because I have a sense of ownership towards Jaz's person. Neither do I think he can stake claim over mine. It's not like it is some True Blood (which is a garbage show, in my opinion) Vampire ceremony where I can say Jaz Is Mine and no one else can touch him or drain his bodily fluids. I'm not just saying this because it's Jaz. Fuck, our relationships might go tits up tomorrow, for all I know, due to unforeseen circumstances. It's all relationships I was in, currently am in and/or will be in the until day I kick the bucket. He is not my other half and neither am I his. I'd like to think we came into this relationship as whole people not needing to be half-filled in to. Fuck knows I have enough on my plate to worry about what the bloody hell is wrong with his hardware or where I can get a better graphics card for his person. I am like Sims 3 Base Game and he is my Night Life, World Adventures, Ambitions Expansion pack. I can still run without him but it's much more fun with him in it. Stevie is my Sims 3 Pets Expansion, while we're still on the subject. I can go on about this.

Why bother being in a relationship then? Is it so that you can have that one person to pin it to, no matter what, when you get unexpectedly knocked up? Or were you each others' back-up plans? Maybe you are just charitable... Oh, hey, come try out what I've been tapping. Baby, you've got such amazing Flappy Bits I want the whole world to be able to enjoy it. Or the men in the Hertfordshire, at least. Until of course, you decide to go to Ibiza and then the men on holiday there, too. Which will mainly be English men because you know how young, privileged English Youths like to go and gather in Ibiza and get Ketamined off their fucking reproductive systems.

What happened to the sanctity of relationships? I'm not talking about marriages because that thing is looking like a fucking sham to me these days. It seems like people are getting married just so they that can fuck around and then split up so that they can use "I'm a divorcee" as a pick-up line. Most homosexuals can't get married, yet they are allowing all these mindless, young as fuck heterosexuals with no fucking idea what contraception is getting married left, right and fucking centre.  The more I see all these stupid fucks getting married for reasons beyond me and the more children I see all dumb-founded due to the aftermath of their parents' sheer fucktardness, the more I want none of it. Maybe I will just remain engaged to Jaz forfuckingever. Really, I don't see the point of this God Person and Jaz doesn't either so we are not getting married to get in His Good Graces. Maybe we'll get 'married' by the beaches of Bournemouth, butt-naked, under the Moonlight and sing Kumbaya.


"I didn't marry your father because I was so in love with him and I cannot imagine another day without seeing my name as his Legal Missus on BT bills and Boots Newsletters. It was because he had knocked me up 3 times and I think it was about time he made an honest woman out of me and we can stop living in sin. So that we can later commit Adultery by sleeping with other people. Adultery sounds more grown-up."