Oooh fuck I'd love a She-Wee. I am fucking bursting to pee and Olly's in there having a bath. Or doing a shit. I don't know. I was practically crying outside the bathroom whilst holding my secrets and he was saying 'ONE MINUTE!'. I'm a girl. I can't do one minute. One minute will lead to piss dribbling down my inner thighs. Oh my gorgeous new leggings that I went to bed with this morning because I was so fucking hammered it's not even funny. I'll just sit here with my legs crossed and distract myself. Fucking hell I need to cry.

Olly's out of the loo and then Josh needed to brush his fucking teeth. Just fucking kill me now. Jaz has gone out to the High Street and there is no one to punch the living daylights out of them. No one to fend for me while I sit on the bathroom floor crying and telling him to hurry the fuck up.

And now I've run back down to our room and seriously wondering if I should just piss in a cup. I've done it loads of time before. Pissing into a container of sorts. Or maybe just fucking pee out in the garden and blame it on the dogs.

Ow. I'm going to die of toxic shock.

Ooh. Bathroom's free.