First off, if it was not already obvious, I will just say that I am not a doctor and I am not medically-trained. My only knowledge of first aid would be to stick alcohol swab to an open would, mainly because I have an insane supply of alcohol swabs from my facial piercings days and also because it makes me roar with laughter when the wounded receiver of alcohol swab yells in pain when pain was being transmitted from open wound, up the spine and to the brain where pain registers. That, and being awarded a gold medal for being able to dive 10 feet underwater in my pyjamas. That was a good thing, the whole pyjama garbage because when I do see a person drowning I will just say 'No, I have not got my jammies with me, so I will not brave the waters to save that person.' and in the process save my hair from frizzing up with all that moisture after it had just undergone an hour of intense straightening. Of course I am a natural swimmer. I am built like a whale with lots of blubber for floatation.
Now, the Bulimics. My theory is this: They have never been forced to starve during their early life. If they had understood hardship, they will not be throwing up good food that had costed an insane amount of money that penny-pinching families would have baulked at. They were never reminded of starving children in Somalia.
I have an issue with the latest starving children advert I saw during Red Nose Day some months back. There was an advert that had said 300 000 children die needlessly every year in Africa. Maybe more that 300 thousand. I was more concerned with that phrase 'Children die needlessly' as though there ever is a need for a child to die. The person who came up with that tagline needs to be shot in the arse with a double-barrelled shotgun. Unless of course, the child was a zombie and as said by Zomburbia, the fuckers need to be double-tapped.
I had tried Bulimia for just once. I knew that the moment I said, mid-hacking up, 'Oh shit, there goes that lush pie' that that was not the chosen career path for me. I was not meant to be a Professional Up-Chucker. I love food too much. And I love cooking just as much which is why now it is doubly hard for me to up-chuck post-dinner because then I'd be thinking about the hours I just slaved over the stove to flush it all down the loo, literally.
True, Bulimia and Anorexia are all disease of the mind. It's all up there, fueled by the many pictures vomited by the media. I'm sorry, I have no compassion for people with eating disorders. The only eating disorder I face is when I accidentally inhale the main before the starter. And if you can't respect food and the fact that there are starving people out there who would love some of your food that you can you know... Fuck off.
Even Jaz's 11 year old girl is calorie-counting now. And excuse me while I tell her that if you are skipping breakfast before school because you don't want to end up fat, then you are doomed because not only will you be starving during lessons, you would also be unable to concentrate during lessons. So, in short, my cupcake, you would be suffering from that all-consuming Phantom Fats disease of the mind and Stupid since you were not able to learn well in school. Not my child so I will not let myself get carried away with trying to educate her on why you should not starve yourself or stuff yourself and then hurl over the toilet bowl.
I remember when I was watching a documentary on Bulimics with my mother. She cried in horror when the woman stuck a toothbrush down her throat to make herself throw up after a massive buffet dinner.
WHY DID SHE DO THAT, asked Mother.
Why?
Because she must have a mother that won't shut up about her being an embarrassment because she's fat.
Just like you, you Closet Pagent Mum.
And what she said after was quite funny, really.
But you see, unlike her, you are fat. Like, really, really massive.
As I stared into space, feeling my life seeped out of me from every orifice, I wondered...
Where is my real mother and is she not looking at that girl with the eating disorder whom she thought was her daughter for the past 20 odd years wondering if she had picked up the wrong child at the maternity ward?
Yes, I would love to beat the shit out of this woman.
I would beat the shit out of that woman too...and wow...your mum...well...I just hate throwing up, that´s also one of the reasons I don`t drink too much...And I`m hungry every 3 hours, so...
ReplyDeleteMy mum... Well XD She's something, that one.
ReplyDeleteI get bloody hungry just as often and I try to comfort myself by saying 'Oh well, they DO say eat little and eat often.' Ahahaha.
Gods, I hate drinking too much to the point of throwing up myself. That is just sad when you look at people do that outside clubs and I don't want to look like that.