The WHAT? The Tunnel.

A few nights ago, Jaz and I sat down and watched The Tunnel. A supposedly-low budget movie done by Australians. It's this rising trend with Paranormal Activity, isn't it? Paranormal Activity, which was amazing at first because it was filled with suspense, horror and yes, a big-breasted woman was involved and I was a bit pleased that her and all her glory got dragged away at the end. The second one was all right, I guess, because we could then say 'Ohhhh, so THAT was how it began then?' and patted ourselves on the back for the ability to put two and two together. And then NOW, Paranormal Activity 3 is coming out soon. What started out as fun is now starting to freak me out a bit because I am now asking myself if I have this strong fascination with perving on people's home-made videos and CCTV footages. So, with the third one, they are going back to the girls' childhood home to really find out Where It All Began and not surprisingly, it started with two stupid girls saying Bloody Mary three times and then left Bloody Mary all by her Bloody Self in the Bloody Bathroom with the Bloody Camera on. Next year, they will be releasing Paranormal Activity 4 where a camera will be inserted inside their mother's secret bits to find one of the girls fucking about with an Ouija board while she was in the womb at 8 months old some thirty odd years ago.

Now, The Tunnel. It's this movie about a whole bunch of journalist and that one lone woman amongst them who was so determined to Make It Big with this one story of wandering around in Sydney's underground system to find out what the government was doing about the homeless people who had been living in the sewers. So, naturally, they wandered about in the dark in the tunnel with their night-vision camera, some massive torch-lights and that one camera light thing that was so bright that if you look directly at it, you'd be convinced you're walking into heaven. You now have 4 crew, including that one woman who like all women before her in the same role, more or less, will turn into one huge screaming mess that you just want to punch the shit out of her and pray that she will eventually die being mauled by that thing that they were running away. What was it they were running from? Jaz and I reckoned it was some military experiment gone wrong that resulted in the creation of that scary-as-fuck fucker that I really think looked like Gollum, with a lot of hair. We couldn't really work out what it exactly looked like due to the shitty camera-handling as is the norm with all this bloody type of movie.  Scream, scream, run, pant, insert expletives, a slight glimpse followed by a large intake of breath because you're wondering if it was what you thought it was. Stumble, camera sliding on the floor, more screams, more expletives and then... Silence. Silence that stretched on for yonks. And in that silence, you'd attempt to breathe and then take a sip of your water at the same time because you think you are awesome like that and then an ear-shattering scream, followed by a jump, a loud swear from your person and then an awkward giggle because you cannot quite believe you reacted like that.

Camera motion-sickness is the key to movies like these. Just like Blair Witch. Remember Blair Witch Project? Loads of american teenagers screaming, a few things found on the forest floor that looked like guts, more blood, more screams, more stupid american kids screaming OMYGODOMYGODWHATWASTHAT?! I saw that when I was 13 and my younger self did not at all appreciate that garbage that was on the movie screen. My present self STILL resented that movie with all my heart. That movie and that album of STEPS that I got around the same time, probably. Fucking hate it with all my life. It was pointless. Let's just say it like how it is. It was garbage. No ending, nothing whatsoever. Did they ever find that Blair Witch? Did they all die? WHAT.

At least when american teenagers were running around in Carrie 2, Zachary Ty Bryan ended up with his dick getting harpooned. That was satisfactory.