Am I the only one who watches cooking tutorials on Youtube for hours, like umm 6 hours, and then end up having fucking pot noodles for dinner anyway? It always reaches to the point where I get so starved of nutrients due to the bloody Youtube loop I got myself into that I just run off and get the nearest thing that will fill the massive cavity that is my stomach. Baked potatoes? What? Fuck it, just stick the kettle on.
I can cook, yeah. Nothing majestic, though. Simple dishes that make most pot noodles connoisseurs drool, however. The most awe-inspiring thing that came out of the oven, baking-wise, was the peanut butter cookies that Kaz taught me, pretty much. Almost always, I'd run to Youtube, or saunter as that is as much I am physically arsed to do, and look up Red Velvet Cupcakes (over-ambitious, I know, but you can't be over-ambitious about baking silicone cups of sin, then you don't have a lot to look forward to in life), and see them Youtube Chefs whip out their fucking Kenwood mixers. That is as soul-destroying as watching make-up tutorials and see the Beauty Gurus whip out their bloody MAC brushes and pigment pots. Fuck them who thinks they absolutely have to own MAC garbage to get ahead in life, make-up wise. I have never owned a MAC brush and I think I look phenomenal enough. Fact. That brand have enough exposure as it is. Then again, I just can't afford a MAC brush and I can't justify spending that much when other brushes have done the job for me. Back on my self-righteous horse-on-stilts I go. I am so sick of them over-priced, mass-produced equipments. Like Dyson hoovers of the cooking world. Still, it wouldn't hurt if someone gets me a Kenwood mixer. It would be much appreciated.
Youtube Whatever is like porn for me. I watch it, I get sucked into it for the entire duration. Sometimes, I touch myself. Sometimes I immediately close the window when Jaz walks in, though that is usually when I have Air Supply on. I go 'Ooh, aah' and pull faces but I almost always never replicate whatever it was I had just watched. Like certain things that can never happen in my Secret Bits, certain things will not happen in my kitchen, Photoshop, or my general face area. I don't see why I would want to look like Neytiri from Avatar after watching the make-up tutorial. Although, I would like to try out the Zipper Face ones.
I am obsessed with make-up tutorials. There is this brilliant Brit who uses only elf cosmetics, which are as close to free as you can get. You can buy their entire line for a dollar. Anyway, no matter how many times I have watched her videos, no matter how closely I follow instructions, my face ends up looking like I have just been attacked by a blind child, suffering from a seizure disorder.
ReplyDeleteOooh, is it that girl with the insanely thick, long, blonde hair and her skin is insanely fair? Vouetbelle or something...?
ReplyDeleteYoutube has some cool tutorials. I want to make one on how to blink, but I forgot my account information. Too lazy to create another one. :)
ReplyDeleteLol! This is an awesome post. You, I and probably thousands of others have been hooked on this never ending deadly rosy ring of YouTube cooking obsession, but I never actually try the recipes. Yes, it is like porn because you watch it, hoping and fantasizing about being in the middle of the delicious orgy, but all you accomplish is involuntary food abstinence when you realize that you've got nothing but bottled water, expired milk and some Lucky Charm cereal crumbs in a box. Yes, you don't know how many times I wanted to touch my sister's $150 makeup kit to try the Zipper Face tutorials. I still fight the urge to this day.
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