The types of people I Unfriend-ed.

More often than not, I Unfriend-ed them because they are Dickheads. That is always a good reason to cull people off your lists, actually. Your Facebook so it is your prerogative, isn't it? No matter how trivial the matter or contributing factor that led to them being labelled as Dickheads. Dickheads come in various shapes, forms, sexuality, emotional and intelligence level.

Emotional Dickheads


Usually seen quoting Nickelback or Incubus song lyrics in their status updates. Not that there is anything stupid about them lyrics, but it is the way they are usually quoted in that soul-draining, heart-broken manner that makes me want to stab my own jugular with a child-friendly cutlery. What they are saying, these Emotional Dickheads, is most likely - Look, my girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever is being a totally emotionally-disengaged whore and she/he/it had left me so please just listen to my pain in these stupid lyrics that I am posting while I am doing a shit. Because I am deep and am a sensitive person like that. No, you are a Dickhead and you make reading my own Facebook feed more horrible than it should be.

Another type that falls into this category would be the Serial Relationship-Status Changer With Man/Woman-Bashing Tendencies.

I get it okay. Man are dicks. Woman are cunts, too, all right? I thought you wanted equal rights. Look, women burned their bras so that we could get equal rights as men, but now that you have got that equality you want to play the damsel in distress and not shoulder the blame?

Not all man/woman are arseholes, Love. Just the ones that you tend to go for are. Even I, who never actually interacted personally with you and only perved on your profile once in a while know that you have a soft spot for a certain type. You can't save his Bad Boy Soul. He will not change his ways for you. She will not stop being a slag for you. Trapping him/her with a baby won't make a difference either. You are just setting the child and yourself up for a fucking disappointment.

Fake Profile Pic Dickheads


I have actually gotten my FB-gaming and personal life mashed up in my FB and this is resulting in such a fucking, grotesque mess in my Friends List. With my FB-gaming ways, I have ended up randomly adding strangers to add more neighbours/mob/clan/bubble-poppers to my list and it is quite often I get added by some excessively beautiful people. Yes, there IS such a thing as being Excessively Beautiful. I have a love/hate relationship with Photoshop. Photoshop has made me lose all faith in the simpler things in life. You can't even look at something online or on a pamphlet without even wondering if the shit's been 'shopped.

It's bad enough now I have to worry if the person I'd just added had lifted a picture off the internet, I actually have to wonder if that is even human. Bloody Japanese engineers and their perfect love dolls. I have seen a few and it had scared me shitless. I don't like looking at the pictures of newly-added strangers and yell out loud 'What sort of Sorcery is this!?'.

These are men I am talking about, you know. I do know with women and our fucking inferiority complex (especially with bastard partners asking us if we've just gotten fatter at FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING), it's not surprising some of the female population feel like they have to stick a picture of an Excessively Beautiful model of Eastern European descent (the less she is known to the world, the better it is for you to get away with pretending to be her) to feel whole as a person. But a man? Yes, men are more sensitive to criticisms these days. I have come across a few with fucking albums of Indian actor's pictures saying shit like 'My photoshoot here and there and oooh, that is a picture of me in campus'. Mate, you have the MTV-Drama-Windblower on fucking campus? What? I don't want to live on this planet any more.


Religious Book-Thumping Dickheads


Like I have said before, practice what you want, just don't bring your fucking parade down my street.

I don't care what Jesus or whoever said. I am too busy looking into Alien sightings in Argentina. And that hoax moon landing. And Super-Earth that is some 36 light years away. You know if that planet there is fit for living in, them rich wankers are going to get first dibs anyway. They fuck THIS Earth up and then they are going to the other one and Super Fuck that one up as well. You know what? Let them all sit in an aluminium-encased capsule for 36 years trying to get there and let's see if they make it past the Van Halen without getting fried within an inch of their rich arses and claustrophobic at the same time. Let them eat cake.

I am going to form my opinions by what I can see with the shit that is happening around me and you entitled to your own, so please let us co-exist without fighting about who has the better imaginary friend just for a little while longer? Nibiru is on her way. We're all fucked.

Dickheads Who Think They Are Better Than Me


A fucking Capuchin who shits in a diaper is better than me. Don't come into my space and slag me off so that you can feel better about yourself, you pretentious self-righteous dickheads. Yes, haters gonna hate, you dumb fuck, and they have good reason to.

Putting an 'x' at the end of your fucking sentence just meant that you just slagged me off and kissed me. I am aware of that, you pussy. It does not erase the clear fact that you were a dickhead on my status.

Dickheads Who Put Kisses At The End Of Every Sentence


If I don't know you personally and you don't know me personally, your putting kisses at the end of your sentences just tell me that you are a Whore, not an overly-friendly person. As pretentious and ridiculous as those arseholes that kisses the air and when I kissed the cheek twice, asks me 'Oh we're doing two kisses now, are we?' Fuck right off the Devil's Pool in Zimbabwe. Just die and cease to exist, please. There is not enough Cannibals in this world to eradicate arseholes like you.